An important compliment to strategy 4 is to appeal to the other person’s self-interest.
This is not news to anyone who has tried to influence a sale or another’s behavior by pointing out how the other person gains by behaving in a certain way. The sales advice to “find out where the pain is and address it,” is a sterling example of “appeal to the other person’s self-interest” in practice.
People who are very skilled at appealing to another person’s self-interest, quickly and accurately identify what self-interest to target. They also present their “pitch” in a fashion the emphasizes how self-interest is served.
If I am able to really understand your perspective and priorities and can present my pitch in a way that shows how you benefit by moving in the direction I am trying to influence you, then the chances I will influence you increased significantly.
In the real world, this can be as simple as telling a subordinate who in looking for a raise, to increase her performance in a specific way. It can also be as complex as asking a second subordinate what his priorities really are–discovering that more money is a distant second to flexibility in work hours and realizing that if you want to increase this subordinate’s performance you should dangle increased flexibility in work hours as a carrot.
The real trick is not assuming that you know what the self-interests of another person are. It requires that you to stop making assumptions and ask questions to determine what is important in the other person’s view. Your ability to empathize with another person (strategy 3) has a role here but so does asking questions.
Stopping the process of making assumptions is a real challenge for most of us. It saves time and energy to make assumptions after all. But halting the assumptions you make is a critical step toward being able to successfully identify and then appeal to another’s self-interest.
Stop the assumptions, ask questions, empathize and then present your appeal in a way that highlights how self-interest is served. If it doesn’t work every time for you, then you’re not asking enough questions or perceiving the other person’s self-interest. Try again until this strategy for influencing others works consistently for you.
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